John Lucas

If anyone ever commented on any of these posts, they might suggest that one genre I have been neglecting is straight-up rock music. Like, fist-in-the-air, hair-whipping, Camaro-driving, Circle-K-parking-lot-loitering hard-rockin’ rock. And there’s a good reason for that. Most attempts at making Christmas songs in that genre are, in a word, lame.

Raise your hand if you ever need to hear AC/DC’s “Mistress for Christmas” again. Anyone?

There are exceptions to every rule, of course. “Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” by the Darkness, released in 2003 (feel old yet?) is a classic for a reason. It doesn’t hurt that Justin Hawkins and company have always seemed to be perfectly aware of how ridiculous a ’70s-style hard-rock band sounds (and looks) in the 21st century. They are also smart enough to realize that self-awareness need be no impediment to rocking out with your stocking out.

Now, I’m no expert on U.K. slang, but I’m reasonably sure that “bell-end” is a commonly used insult referring to a particular anatomical feature. Surely that’s just a coincidence. These guys would never be that crude, would they?

CHRISTMAS BONUS

Not to be outdone (by themselves), the Darkness just released a brand-new Christmas song, “Mistletoe and Wine”. Well, it’s technically not a new song, but a cover a tune that Cliff Richard had a hit with back in the ’80s. Enjoy your bonus, and try not to spend it all at once.