So, my diligent monitoring of non-Christmas holidays and observances finally pays off today.
No, not because it’s National Bouillabaisse Day or even because it’s Monkey Day, whatever that might be. Turns out December 14 is actually the start of Hanukkah. It’s also the start of Chanukah. Likewise Hanukah, Chanuka, and Chanukkah. That’s a lot of different English spellings for one holiday, but then again, there isn’t just a single spelling in Hebrew, either, where it’s written as both חֲנֻכָּה and חֲנוּכָּה.
However you spell the name of the Jewish holiday, it gives me an excuse to post Neil Diamond’s cover of the song Adam Sandler wrote about it, which is mostly a catalogue of famous people who happen to be Jewish. The fact that Diamond himself falls into that category didn’t stop him from releasing four Christmas albums over the course of his career. Give the people what they want and all that.
The Christmas season is a time for second chances. After all, the entire idea of the holiday is to honour a guy who sacrificed himself so that humankind would have a path to choose that would spare us from God’s wrath.
And that’s good, because the last time Jehovah got really pissed off with humanity, he flooded the planet and drowned literally everyone except Noah and his immediate family. Jesus’s dad is known for a lot of things, but being merciful isn’t one of them.
Lady Gaga has impressed me with plenty of her other songs since then, and I would go far as to describe her as a pop genius. So, surely, “Christmas Tree” deserves another listen, another opportunity to change my opinion of it?
Nope. I still hate it.
Since I can’t really justify dedicating this day of my countdown to a song I don’t actually like (and also because there’s no actual video for “Christmas Tree”), here’s Ron Sexsmith with “Maybe This Christmas”. Appropriately enough, the lyrics of this song are all about giving people second chances during the holidays.
And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call Someone we love, someone we’ve lost For reasons we can’t quite recall Maybe this Christmas Maybe there’ll be an open door
Listen, I’m trying to keep this countdown family-friendly and make it inclusive of holidays and observances other than Christmas. In order to achieve the latter, I have been referring to this website—which , to be honest, isn’t making things easy.
Apparently today is National Ding-A-Ling Day, and also the Festival of Unmentionable Thoughts of Taboo Day, which is a mouthful. Possibly more than a mouthful.
Both of those things bring Chuck Berry to mind, for different reasons. Or possibly for the same reason, depending on what you think this song is about.
As for why rock ‘n’ roll pioneer Berry comes to mind when the topic turns to “unmentionable thoughts of taboo”, I will simply direct you to Google, which holds many answers to questions you may immediately regret asking.
Because, you see, I’m determined to keep things family-friendly. Like I said. And what better way to do that than with a song about everyone’s favourite red-nosed reindeer? (Apparently the animators missed the memo about the colour of Rudolph’s most defining feature, but that’s okay.)
Berry penned this song, but Johnny Marks gets a songwriting credit for writing the original song upon which this one is based. The character of Rudolph, incidentally, was created for the Montgomery Ward department store in 1939 by Robert L. May. If you read yesterday’s installment of this series, you probably won’t be shocked to learn that May was Jewish—but you might be surprised to find out that Marks was his brother-in-law.
Interesting, right? I urge you to think about that rather than pondering what the creator of this video was implying by having the little girl—you know, the one who asked Santa for a doll that will “wet”—unwrap her gift to discover that it’s a Chuck Berry doll.
I feel like some of my selections thus far might be somewhat alienating to people whose taste in holiday music is rooted in the classics. And when I say “the classics”, I of course refer to songs written in the mid 20th century—mostly by Jewish tunesmiths like Johnny Marks, Irving Berlin, and Mel Tormé. It’s a whole thing; there’s even a documentary about it, which you can watch on Kanopy if you have a library card.
Marks was particularly prolific in this area. The guy was practically a one-man Christmas-song factory, churning out hits like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, “A Holly Jolly Christmas”, and “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day”.
But back to the matter at hand: my personal redemption. I mean, yes, I’ve included Bing and Frank (separately) in this countdown, but I have also indulged my personal fondness for indie rock, 1980s rap songs, and Tim Burton movies.
Today I will attempt to make up for that by bringing you “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, Brenda Lee’s surprise No. 1 hit from 2023. Which you will no doubt be shocked to learn was written by Johnny Marks.
Okay, yes, the song originally came out in 1958, when Lee was just 13 years old. Although the tune is a perennial favourite, it didn’t hit the top spot on the Billboard Hot 100 until two years ago. That was when Lee finally got around to making a video for it.
This was a big deal for a lot of reasons, the two main ones being that, at 78, Lee became the oldest artist in Billboard‘s history to have a No. 1 single and that “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” took a record-setting amount of time to make it to the top of the chart. (Sixty-five years, but who’s counting?)
The record still sounds great today, which is hardly a surprise given that it was produced by the legendary Owen Bradley and featured performances by members of Nashville’s A Team, including guitarist Hank Garland, pianist Floyd Cramer, drummer Buddy Harman, and saxophonist Boots Randolph. Those guys knew what they were doing.
According to the Internet (which would never lie to us), December 9 is officially Christmas Card Day. And while that sounds like an observance fabricated by Hallmark to move more product, it would have provided me with the perfect excuse to post this video.
Well, I’m a day late. No one’s paying me to do this, so you get what you get when I want to give it to you. That’s the deal, unless someone would like to negotiate a better one.
Anyhow, here’s Tom Waits from an Austin City Limits episode recorded on December 5, 1978. It’s a Christmas song! It has the word right there in the title: “Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis”. He even sings—well, slurs might be a better word—a bit of “Silent Night” while he’s at it.
You know what’s been missing from this countdown do far? Don’t answer that; it’s a rhetorical question. There has been a distinct lack of indie rock, the genre of music that is probably closest to my heart.
There are actually some pretty great indie-rock Christmas tunes, but unfortunately most of them don’t have videos. Thank goodness for the Raveonettes, who provide us with not just an original song (albeit not an original title, and the estates of Mel Tormé and Robert Wells would like a word), but also a video to match. Plus a cameo appearance by Jack Skellington, sort of.
What’s “The Christmas Song” about? I have no idea, to be honest. It’s a bit of a jumble of contradictory sentiments: “I wish that I could stay” followed closely by “I wish that I could walk you home.” Also something about how “Santa’s coming into town/With a suitcase in his hand.”
What town? What’s he got in the suitcase? Is this how he delivers presents now? Not by popping down the chimney with a sack filled with toys, but by taking an Uber down Main Street with an American Tourister stuffed full of Amazon gift cards?
According to the Internet (which is never wrong), December 8 is Take It in the Ear Day. I’m not making that up, nor do I have any idea what it means. But if there’s anyone who does, it’s probably this guy, because of course he’s had it in the ear before.
Since that’s not a real holiday song by any stretch of the imagination (or ear canal), here’s Run-DMC’s deathless classic (I’m not being facetious for once), “Christmas in Hollis”. I don’t have much to say about this one, apart from the fact that it was written for the very first A Very Special Christmas compilation, and that it was featured in Die Hard. Which is not a Christmas movie and I’m not even going to listen to any arguments to the contrary, even as I enjoy my Die Hard–themed Sons of Vancouver whisky advent calendar. (With thanks to my lovely wife, Erin.)
“Christmas in Hollis” features prominent samples of Clarence Carter’s 1968 funk hit “Back Door Santa”, a song that is definitely not about taking it in the ear. I will say no more about that in the interest of keeping this blog family-friendly for the holidays. Some might argue that I’ve spoiled things already by posting “Lust for Life”, but let us not forget that Royal Caribbean apparently found the song sufficiently wholesome to advertise family cruise-ship vacations with it.
You all knew something by Bing Crosby was coming, and I suppose I have sort of teased it out a bit, what with posting a version of “White Christmas” by some other guy and posting a clip from Happy Holidays With Bing and Frank that didn’t actually feature Bing.
So, here he is. Well, his voice, at any rate. The video is animated and shows people of several different eras travelling homeward for the holidays.
I’m keeping this one short because it’s Sunday and you probably have better things to do than reading my blog. Like listening to Bing Crosby sing “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”, for example.
So, if yesterday (or last night, I suppose) was Krampusnacht, that makes today… what? You get one guess, and if that guess is “The feast day of Saint Nicholas, duh,” congratulations. (There is no prize apart from the satisfaction that comes from being able to say that you knew a thing.)
When we say “Saint Nick” these days, we’re usually referring to Santa Claus. Who, for the benefit of any children reading this, is definitely real. But who exactly was the original Saint Nicholas? He was an early Christian bishop born in what is now Turkey in the late third century. As is the case with most historical figures who lived that long ago, we don’t know that much about him, and most of we do think we know was probably made up (or at least heavily embellished) in the intervening centuries. Suffice to say that he worked wonders and miracles, which is the proper path to sainthood.
Well, that or being martyred. Which Saint Nicholas was not, having lived until the age of 73, which was considered very, very old in those days.
What does any of this have to do with Santa Claus? Well, Nicholas is the patron saint of children and toymakers, for a start. And one of the most famous stories told about him involves him secretly delivering gifts under the cover of night. Just like Santa!
(The gifts were sacks of money, and the recipient was a father of three daughters. Nick thought that the man could use the money for the girls’ dowries—rather than force the girls into prostitution, which might have been dear old dad’s original plan.)
Dutch settlers in the Americas brought their folkloric version of a gift-giving Saint Nicholas (Sinterklaas) with them, which eventually gave rise to the Santa Claus we all know and love today. Who is, of course, completely real and who, according to the Beach Boys, drives a rockin’ toboggan with a four-speed stick. Or words to that effect.
This song’s authors, Brian Wilson and Mike Love, also helpfully tell us that “Christmas comes this time each year.” For the benefit of those who needed reminding.
Is it really Krampusnacht already? Why, yes. Yes, it is.
At the risk of sounding like a holiday hipster, but I was into this dude before anybody.
Okay, that’s clearly not true. The Alpine folklore surrounding Krampus, the demonic companion of Saint Nicholas whose job it is to punish naughty kids, dates back centuries. It has really only started to gain popularity in North America in the past 10 to 15 years, though.
When I first stumbled upon articles about Krampus online years ago, I thought it would be a fun thing to incorporate into my own holiday traditions. (Hey, I was born in Germany, so I almost sort of have kind of a connection to all that stuff, even though to the best of my knowledge no one in my family is actually German.) The trouble was, this turned out to be rather challenging, since anything to do with Krampus was devilishly hard to come by.
This is where I prove (I hope) that I am in fact not a holiday hipster. I am actually delighted that Krampus has, in the words of Charlie Brown, “gone commercial” and has entered the mainstream of popular culture at least a little bit. If nothing else, it has now become a lot easier to find Krampusnacht greeting cards and tree ornaments.
Heck, there was even a Hollywood movie about Krampus, which I finally got around to trying to watch this year, only to remember why I never bothered before. Lest you be tempted to seek it out, heed my warning. It’s just plain bad, and not even Adam Scott and Toni Collette can save it.
The fact is, of course, that Krampus is never going to be all that mainstream. I mean, can you imagine John Legend debuting his new Krampus song on Good Morning America? Not gonna happen.
There are precious few Krampus songs, in fact, but I did manage to find a couple. You will be shocked to learn that the video for the first one, by the Chardon Polka Band, is animated in stop-motion claymation style. It’s a whole thing.
Oh, and there’s also… whatever this is. I have no clue what this song is about, but the video does feature some authentic Krampus costumes, complete with carved wooden masks. So, that’s cool.
John Lucas 